The Torture of Getting Back to Long-Abandoned Projects
Photo by Vasilis Caravitis on Unsplash
Nothing makes me more eager to clean my house than the prospect of actually having to work on a writing project I’ve set aside for a while. Household projects that have lingered on my to-do list for months suddenly take on new urgency. Errands must be run. Friends must be contacted – preferably for a long, two-hour chat. Oh, is that the time? Guess I’m not writing today.
If any of this sounds familiar, you too know the torture of leaving your writing for too long. It almost feels physical, this reluctance to open the notebook (paper or computer). You will journal, write emails and letters, make notes on fabulous trips you want to take – anything that isn’t actually creative writing.
This goes way beyond simple procrastination. Call it dread or anxiety, whatever is squeezing your heart and blanking your mind is real. Well, it is both real and not real. Let me explain:
It’s real in the sense that it keeps you from doing the work you say you want to do.
It’s not real in the sense that it is all in your mind. There is no “there” there, except the walls you build around your own creative impulses.
This wall is built of fear. It’s a hedge of thorny brambles around your thoughts of writing. The thorny thoughts go something like this:
What if it’s not any good?
Am I just kidding myself with this writing thing?
How can I get back into it? I’m not feeling it at all.
Where do I even start?
Ugh, it’s going to be a lot of work and time and mental energy. Do I even have it in me?
Let’s take these one by one:
What if it’s not any good? - You can’t possibly know this until you get back to it. You may be pleasantly surprised by how good it is upon rereading. Or you may realize you have a lot of work to do – or both at once! The point is, you can always work to make it better fit your idea of what it could be. There will always be fear of failure (private failure that it doesn’t match the dream in your mind, and public failure of not securing a book contract or audience). As writers, we have to learn to live with these fears, and write anyway.
Am I just kidding myself with this writing thing? - This is a larger question of meaning. It goes back to why you write at all. It’s normal to doubt our ability to achieve our goals, but what is your goal? To make a lot of money? To be famous? To express yourself? To tell a particular story that’s burning inside you? You were drawn to writing for a reason – what is it?
How can I get back into it? I’m not feeling it at all. - Are you really not interested? Are you just feeling like you “should” get back to it? Or is it fear that’s stopping you? You might want to journal about all the reasons you stopped in the first place, and all the feelings you have now about restarting. Get it all out on the page. This is a terrific way to prune back the thorny overgrown garden of your thoughts and see what is really keeping you from writing. Often, just the act of clearing away the mental brambles will motivate you to get back to your writing.
Where do I even start? - See below for some tips on this. Start with the smallest possible thing that feels doable for you right now. Creativity can’t be forced, but it can be coaxed.
Ugh, it’s going to be a lot of work and time and mental energy. Do I even have it in me? - You’re right. It is going to take time and energy. If you’re so depleted right now that your writing seems like just another impossible burden, acknowledge that. If you are merely contemplating restarting out of guilt and shame, maybe now is not the time. Relax. You may need some other healing before you an begin again. If you would like to try moving forward, again, go with the gentlest, smallest possible commitment you can make right now. Motivation and energy come from action! You will likely find it becomes much easier to continue once you get over the hurdle of starting.
What can you do to gently bring yourself back to long-abandoned work?
The key is gently. Don’t make grandiose plans and goals yet. Think about the minimum amount you could do today.. Is it just opening the document? Maybe that’s it. If so, fine, commit to doing that. Can you re-read it for 10 or 15 minutes? You just want to get a feel for it again. If you’ve been away for a while, you need to re-immerse yourself in the story and characters, or the people and setting, the tone and style... whatever it is you’re working on.
Put it in your calendar for one week. If 15 minutes works for you, block out 15 minutes. Commit to spending that 15 minutes with your writing, no matter what. Last week I talked about Resolve. You need to resolve to re-commit to your writing in whatever way you can.
Tie it to something you already enjoy. Make a cup of coffee or tea, then sit down and write. Whatever you choose, pick something easy – put on a certain type of music, light a candle or incense... something that signals to your mind that it’s time to begin.
Don’t make any decisions about this project right away. Take a week or so to re-read what you’ve written, as well as any notes or comments from other people. Maybe make some notes of your own, as the story comes back to you.
Let yourself play a little. At this point, things that may simply be procrastination in another form can actually be good for you. Do you need to do some research? Write up family trees? Create a map? You may simply need to bring back the fun again. Allow yourself to spend a week or so on this type of activity.
It’s likely that as you spend time with your story again, ideas will start to spark, motivating you to continue and actually do some writing. But if not, take a good hard look at why: do you still have an interest in this project? Do you have any energy around it at all? Does it feel like it might have energy, but now is not the time to pursue it? Does it feel “dead” and need to be set aside in favor of something else? Be honest with how you are feeling right now. If you need to end your commitment to this project to make room in your heart and mind for another one, there’s no shame in that. There are times when you need to push through the discomfort of creation, and times when you need to acknowledge that something isn’t working, and move on.
Think of a reward you can give yourself, daily or weekly, that will help encourage you to continue. It doesn’t have to be a big deal – a piece of good-quality chocolate each day after you finish; a bigger treat if you show up for a week (an ice cream, a book, an Artist Date).
Find an accountability partner or writing group who will gently encourage you to keep going. This can be crucial to maintaining your momentum once you start.
I know I have to remind myself of these every time I get sidetracked by life. It takes real commitment to overcome the inertia of starting again. But it’s as real for writing as it is on physics – motion begets motion. To build back a habit, you need to start small, make a commitment, and get back on the wagon whenever you fall off. Above all, believe in yourself! You can do this!
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