Let’s Talk: Ways to Use Dialogue Effectively, Part I

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“What’s up, fam?” 

“How may I serve you, Madam?” 

“Why the hell should I know what that bastard wants?” 

I’ll bet each line of dialogue put a different picture in your mind of a character who might ask the question – what they look like, their age, their overall personality, their mood, their tone... with no other information, we “see” a character very vividly in our heads.  

That is the power of dialogue. 

This week and next I’m going to talk about important things to keep in mind when writing dialogue. Used well, it adds incredible depth and nuance to storytelling. If you’re mainly using it as a tool for exposition, or to maybe show a character trait or emotion, read on to see how else dialogue can work to make your story and characters stand out.  

Dialogue helps move the story along. It conveys nuances of relationships. It can even convey what the character is really thinking about another person or situation. 

The classic example is Hemingway’s short story, “Hills Like White Elephants,” which takes place mostly in dialogue. It’s spare – we get a few physical details, of the train station, the white hills in the distance – and the rest of the story is told in a dialogue where we see a whole relationship unfold in the span of a few pages.  (You can Google this masterpiece and read it right now.)

Dialogue in prose carries a huge weight in the narrative. It’s an essential tool – the ultimate show, don’t tell – again, if it’s used skillfully. Otherwise it becomes an info dump, as in the dreaded “As you know, Joe,” dialogue: 

“As you know, Joe, the drought has ruined the crops this year. If it doesn’t rain soon, we’ll have to up stakes and move.” 

“I do recall that, Jim. And as you know, the West isn’t any better right now. You remember when Jack moved...” 

ARGH. This is an exaggerated example, but it makes the point. Unless the 2nd character really does need to be reminded of something, or unless it’s truly new information, using dialogue as exposition can be tricky.  

You also, of course, want to avoid banal dialogue about the weather, or the usual introductory chitchat we have on a daily basis. Unlike in life, you want to jump to the meat of the conversation, unless it’s to convey just how awkward or unusual the situation is: 

“Hey, Jess.” 

“Hey, Mark.” We stand there awkwardly next to the lockers, not making eye contact, not sure what to say after what happened at the party.  

“How have you been?” Mark says. A slow flush creeps up his neck into his face. 

“Um, okay, I guess. You?” 

“Yeah, good.” 

Another silence. I’m praying for the bell to ring, herding us to our next class. Or maybe the ceiling could fall in. You know, anything to end this not-conversation. 

“I was just wondering -” Mark says in a rush. 

“Yeah?” My heart starts pounding. Where is that bell? 

“You want to, uh, hang out sometime?” 

Brrrrriiiingggg. Finally. I paste a smile on my face. “Gotta go! See ya later!” 

On the face of it, not a sparkling example of wit. But we can build a whole story around it – what happened at the party to make them so awkward? Why is Mark way more into Jess than she is into him? Will be keep pursuing her? Will that pursuit be a happy rom-com of errors, or will it turn dark? It pulls us in, leading us to ask questions and want to know what might happen next. 

So, even banal dialogue can work, if done with intent.  

Dialogue is all about relationships between characters, showing them at pivotal moments where they share opinions, have conflict, try to get or hide information, etc.   

Think about how you communicate with your: 

• Best friend 

• Sibling 

• Mother 

• Spouse/significant other 

• Boss 

• Grandparent 

• Child 

• Neighbor 

I imagine your communication with each of them looks quite different in some ways.

Of course, in dialogue it’s important that each character sounds different from the others, but it’s also important to convey their relationships by the vocabulary they choose, the syntax, and even the things they don’t say.  

For example, let’s say your character is cold, and wants to shut the open window. How they convey this depends on their relationship with the other person in the room, and the context: 

“Hey, do you mind shutting the window?” 

“Shut the window, dummy. You’re letting all the heat out.” 

“Should we shut the window before the others get here?” 

“Are you cold? Do you want me to shut the window?” 

“I told you to shut the damn window!” 

“Brrr. Isn’t it a bit chilly in here?” 

“Shut the window, please.” 

And so on...  

A great dialogue exercise:

Take a situation and two characters, and have one person either want something the other doesn’t want to give, or wants to hide something from the other character (situation+character+conflict). An example from the above situation of wanting to close the window might be: 

• Two spouses arguing over closing a window – to one of them, it’s just further proof the other doesn’t really care about them.  

• A new girlfriend/boyfriend at their significant other’s parents’ house for the first time, trying to make a good impression even though she finds them weird. 

• Someone visiting their mother in a nursing home – arguing about the window, subtly, but really arguing over independence/dependence.  

You get the idea. You can even create more tension by having characters react in surprising ways – for example, the nice young girl visiting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, using abrupt or crass language. Why would she do that? Terrible anxiety/nerves? Perverse desire to make them uncomfortable? Secretly wanting to break up with the boyfriend and figuring this will do the trick?  

Ways to convey character through dialogue 

Vocabulary – the words they use. Are they highly educated, or not? Do they use any jargon or slang? Do they try to sound smarter than they are, and occasionally misuse words? 

Syntax – how they structure their sentences. Do they ask everything as a question, because they’re insecure? Do they speak in short, terse, sentences? Long, flowing ones? This also has to do with the Rhythm of their sentences. 

Register – formal or informal? Remember that sometimes people are too formal, or too informal, which causes conflict in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Tone – we usually think of tone as something we hear, but you can convey tone on the page as well – see the above examples about closing the window. Tone shows emotion without having to say “Close the damn window,” she snapped. We know by the tone she’s not happy, without the “snapped” telling us so. 

Which brings us to: 

Dialogue tags 

Generally, “said” is sufficient. Only rarely do you want to use another tag, like “whispered” or “screamed.” Anything else just called attention to itself, especially if you add an adverb.  

“Drop the knife, or I’ll break your arm,” he said. 

“Drop the knife, or I’ll break your arm,” he hissed menacingly.  

In the second sentence, we don’t “hiss” these words (not enough “S” sounds), and “menacingly” is redundant – he's threatening to break an arm here, we don’t need to be told that’s menacing.  

Keeping your dialogue tags simple lets the reader get into the flow of the conversation and pay attention to what’s being said, not how they’re saying it.  

Setting and action during dialogue

Don’t get so carried away with your dialogue that your characters become two talking heads in space. We need to know where they are, what’s going on around them that may be affecting their conversation, and what they are doing while talking.  

These can be added into the dialogue to ground the reader, and give clues to what is really going on between the characters.  

Are they in a busy restaurant or other public location where they might be overheard?  

Are they in a place that makes one or both of them uncomfortable? Does one have more power than the other in this place (e.g., office, throne room, classroom)? 

Writers often put bits of business between dialogue beats to show the reader common action to give the scene a sense of reality, but you can dig deeper by making sure any actions have significance. For example, a husband and wife are discussing a possible move for his job. She is washing the dishes in a smooth rhythm, he’s drying – and then he says something, and she bangs a plate against the sink, chipping it. What tension or unspoken resentment does that signify?  

Also make sure the dialogue is realistic to the situation. If the characters are being very active, they should be appropriately winded and/or distracted.  

You can also use dialogue as juxtaposition: say, with two sisters playing pickleball. Maybe the dialogue is simple, even mundane, but the action shows the underlying tension and sibling rivalry between them (smashing the ball with particular vigor, grimacing, etc.). 

A note on slang

Don’t use it, unless you want to date your story to a particular time and place: 

“He’s the bee’s knees!” 

“Groovy, man.” 

“Oh, snap!” 

It can also be useful if you are creating a fantasy or science-fictional world, to give particular flavor to the dialogue, but don’t overdo it.  

As you can see, it’s important to make the dialogue work for your story. Think about who the characters are, the relationships between them, and how you can use dialogue to amplify characteristics, conflict, and themes to deepen your story.

One final note

Don’t worry if this seems like a lot to keep in mind as you write a first draft. As you improve as a writer, writing effective dialogue will come more naturally. But a lot of this work is done in revision. You will go over each passage of dialogue, tightening and enhancing it to make it the best it can be (or cutting it altogether).

Next, we’ll talk about the different types of dialogue you can use, and when to use them.

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