How to Express Character Thought and Emotion
Many writers struggle with conveying character thought and emotion effectively. For a character to be three-dimensional, we need to see their interiority – what they think and feel, but don’t express; and their exterior expression – what they say or do that reveals (or attempts to conceal) their thoughts and emotions.
There are two main ways to express thought:
Directly, in italics:
I can’t believe we’re going to lose again, Todd groaned inwardly.
This can be a good shorthand when you want to slip in a direct thought. It should be a highlight, however, not a go-to for every thought your character has.
In point of view:
1st person – I gazed out at the crowd as the pub began to fill up. The usual yokels, and a bunch of college kids in the corner booth trying to flirt with Cindy. Well, she could handle them. Better her than me.
Close 3rd person – Molly gazed out at the crowd as the pub began to fill up. The usual yokels, and a bunch of college kids in the corner booth trying to flirt with Cindy, who could handle them no problem. Better her than Molly.
3rd person limited – It's now or never, Jim thought, stepping onto the diving block. If he could win this 500-meter, he’d have that scholarship in the bag.
3rd person omniscient – Her shoes crunched on dead leaves as she turned the corner and entered the backyard. She’d thought she’d be full of nostalgia for the old place, but the crabapple tree where she and Tricia had sat, lobbing wormy apples at each other was gone. No other memories tugged at her, which was just as well. To her surprise, this place no longer felt like home, but a sad, cramped little postage-stamp of a place.
Understanding which point of view you are using is crucial, especially with the different types of 3rd person. There’s also, of course, 2nd person, though it’s rare: You’re thinking she’s hot, but you’re not quite sure you want to start a conversation yet. Another drink, maybe two, then you’re sure you’ll be ready.
There are three ways to express emotion:
State it on the page:
She was angry he hadn’t told her he would be late.
He felt disappointed at the prospect of their beach day being ruined.
This is usually the least effective way to show emotion. It doesn’t grab the reader. In other words, the reader doesn’t feel any sympathetic emotion from reading about an emotion baldly stated. Sometimes, it can be a good shortcut, but telling emotions should be done sparingly, if at all.
Show it in action:
Carl shrank back, pulling his arms into his sides, a grimace on his face.
Bill slammed both fists on the table, glaring at Jonathan.
Mindy grinned, raising an eyebrow as if daring Amy to actually do it.
Clichés can be a problem here: wringing of hands, a tear trickling down a cheek, making hands into fists... Or you may over-reply on certain gestures to always convey emotion. My characters shrug so often they seem to be doing shoulder exercises! A repetitive gesture, however, can also convey character – a girl tugging on her hair, or one constantly holding his hands behind his back, can tell us a lot without much being said. However, it is possible to go overboard with this and turn it into a caricature.
Show it in thought (to convey even more emotion, add thought and action – even if it’s an inaction):
A lancing pain pierced her heart at his words. How could you do this to me? She thought, but she couldn’t choke out the words.
Here again you have to watch for clichés. It’s easy to say, for example, “her heart dropped” (or rose). Butterflies filled her stomach. You get the idea. Try to use fresh metaphors, but don’t overdo it to the point where the reader’s attention is jolted to the writing, and out of the story.
Finally, we have indirect thought and emotion:
At the knock, Maura and Grace stood up from the sofa. Maura smoothed her skirt, catching Grace’s eye. She was on the other side of that door, the mother who had given them up so long ago. “She’s here,” Grace said, taking a deep breath.
Here we don’t get anything direct from the sisters, but we see a lot of their implied thought and emotion in their gestures: smoothing the skirt, catching each other’s eye, taking a deep breath. This can be a powerful way to express thought and emotion since the reader has to work a little – they automatically put themselves in the sisters’ shoes, wondering what they would be thinking and feeling in that situation.
As in many of these examples, using several techniques in the same paragraph is often the best way to show character through thought and emotion. And that is the essence of this: to show character. No two characters have exactly the same thoughts, the same inner voice, the same ways of showing emotion. Make sure your characters are distinct in these ways, and you go a long way to creating characters who really live for the reader.
