5 Ways to Punch Up Your Prose

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Sometimes it pays to go back to the basics. In today’s post I want to tackle five areas to work on that can really help your writing pop on the page. Whether seasoned or just beginning as a writer, these are things to keep in mind that will take your work from “okay” to “engrossing.”   

AREA ONE:

Setting/description – Although not all description is related to setting, the point is that many writers either over- or under-write their descriptions. In under-writing, the characters exist in a vacuum. We have no clear picture of where they are, what they’re doing, or who else is around them. They are talking heads in a barely delineated space. Readers have trouble connecting with these puppet characters. This often happens when the writer is so focused on the dialogue or the action, everything else disappears.  

The other issue is overwriting description. Describing everything in the room. Spending whole paragraphs on describing the natural surroundings. Using four or five adjectives to describe a noun. Using too many adverbs.   

Balance is key. You want clear, vivid descriptions that convey the important, salient things the reader needs to know to be able to picture the scene as if they are there. Better if you describe the scene from the point of view of the character themselves. What they notice and how they think about it is a wonderful way of showing emotion and character.  

Example 1: “Stupid bed with stupid crocheted thingies all over it. Stupid ugly scarred desk. And who was supposed to sit in that cane-seat chair? Rob could just picture sitting down in it, and crashing through to the floor. Or worse, getting splinters in his ass. Why had they come here again? Nothing here but dust and memories.” 

Example 2: “He couldn’t help grinning at the narrow bed covered with all the crocheted stuffed animals Grandma had made for him as a kid. A squirrel, a dog, even an alligator, plus a few crocheted blankets and pillows. She sure had loved to crochet, until her sight went. The desk, the one Grandpa had used as a boy, scarred and stained with ink. The cane chair looked so delicate next to it, and Rob was pretty sure if he tried to sit in it he’d end up breaking right through. It sure was a trip down memory lane, though.” 

Same room, but very different perspectives, and very different characters.   

AREA TWO:

Dialogue – The best tag is simply “said.” Use anything else sparingly. Whispered, shouted, whimpered... other tags have their place, but overuse has the effect of jarring the reader out of the dream. 

Also, make sure it’s clear from the words who is speaking. We all have distinct speech patterns and styles. Your characters should too. Dialogue becomes boring if it just sounds like two people playing ping-pong 

Example 1: “I can’t wait to go to Cancun,” Jessica said. 

“Yeah, me neither. Cancun will be great,” Marnie said.  

“I want to party all night. It’s all inclusive so we can drink as much as we want, right?” 

“That’s right!” 

Sorry, are you asleep? New version:  

Example 2: “I can’t wait to go to Cancun!” Jessica said. “I am dying to wear my new bikini. It’s like, practically see-through.” 

“Um, yeah, it’ll be great.” Marnie bit at a hangnail. 

“I’m going to party all night. All-inclusive drinks, here we come!” Jessica laughed. “Remember last year when Julie puked everywhere? So gross.”  

“I remember, all right. I had to clean it up.”  

Even with that bit of dialogue, a more interesting story, and two distinct personalities, emerge. A hint of conflict, of drama...  

AREA THREE:

Verbs – One of the best ways to make your writing pop is to use strong verbs. Avoid is/was/were as much as possible. Choose dynamic, vivid verbs.  

Examples:

They were sitting on the edge of their seats. (Ugh! Cliché!) -- They perched on their chairs like nervous birds about to take flight. 

Andy walked up the steep mountain trail. --- Andy plodded up the steep mountain trail. (Or trudged, or clambered, or leaped... use the word that best describes how Andy is performing the action, that might give clues to his inner state as well.) 

I heard the bang and turned around, heart pounding, but it was just a car backfiring. I took a deep breath and relaxed. --- A bang erupted behind me, and I spun around. Just a car backfiring. I unclenched my fists and took a deep breath, willing my heart rate to go back to normal.    

Also, get rid of the words that put a barrier between the reader and the character’s emotions. I’m talking heard, felt, saw, realize, wonder, understood, and so on. As in:  

She heard the front door slam. --- The front door slammed. (If we’re in the character’s point of view, we don’t need to know she heard it) 

He wondered how Annabelle knew his birthday fell on April Fool’s Day. --- How did Annabnelle know his birthday fell on April Fool’s Day? After years of unpleasant tricks, he told no one.  

This also goes for passive voice. It’s generally best to avoid it, except in certain circumstances where you want it to be a mystery how something happened.  

The whole Thanksgiving meal was always cooked by Grandma. -- Grandma always cooked the whole Thanksgiving meal.  

AREA FOUR:

Sentence structure – Varying your sentences is another key to keeping the reader engaged. We all fall into habits around our sentences. To some extent, that’s what is meant by “voice.” The classic example is Hemingway’s short, terse sentences contrasted with Faulker’s flowing, lyrical prose. It’s part of our rhythm as we write. But sentence structure can be a terrific way to create a mood. Short, choppy sentences create suspense. Longer, more complex senteces create a sense of flow. 

Example 1:

The door.  

The door was open. 

Just a bit – but surely she’d closed it.  

Should she go in? Call the cops? Would they think she was overreacting? Maybe she just hadn’t shut it properly. She could at least check it out.  

She pushed it open further. Took a step inside, then another. 

Example 2: 

The long grass waved in the salty breeze off the marsh. The sky opened up above, a wide vacant blue. Sam took in the sounds of the summer afternoon, the harsh buzz of cicadas, the cry of gulls swooping for their dinner, the steady lapping of the water against the shore, the dog barking way down the beach as it ran at the waves, chasing them back into the sea.   

AREA FIVE:

Get rid of filler words – Words like that, just, really, very, then, began/started, and most adverbs (generally, usually, definitely, etc.). They don’t add anything to the narrative, they slow the pace, and they proclaim amateurism. The last edit pass I do is a search for these words. Ninety percent of the time, I get rid of them. Sometimes, I find clearer, stronger words to use instead. This may seem like a small thing, but you will notice a real difference when you read back through your work. 

These are all things that can be fixed in the editing process! Of course, the more you do automatically, the less you have to revise later. But sometimes when the words are flowing you don’t think about these details. Try to apply these ideas the next time you edit, and I guarantee you will notice a huge improvement.  

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